The Ultimate Journey ~ C.L. Anderson

            We take many journeys in our lifetime. I think the journey from your parents’ household to running your own ranks in the top 10 for sure. We live through differing stages in our lives without ever thinking twice about it. We talk with our friends and hold some of those friends more intimate than others. For me, getting through everyday life was interesting to say the least. I spent most of my time trying to figure out a good painless way to check out because I hated the school I was in, couldn’t stand my parents and my moms’ friends were all losers who lived in an altered worldly sense of reality. Obviously that didn’t work, you’re reading this now.

            My road trip through life has seen some interesting things but more importantly; I’ve been able to see parenthood. The time in your life when you sacrifice every single thing for this little person that looks up at you with big round eyes and calls you mom or dad brings a journey that takes you through more perils and triumphs than you ever thought existed. Were we this emotional, irrational, immature at a young age? I’m sure we were, but we were also more mature; we had to be. Most of us were left to figure things out ourselves due to the fact that our parents worked. We did what we were told (for the most part) and had it done before they got home and that was that. Somehow our turn as parents seems vastly different than our own parents. Our journeys seem so much more outrageous you really start to wonder if the hospital sent you home with the wrong kid. There’s no way something born from me could act that way, think that way, just BE that way. The journey of parenthood, don’t we all just love it?

            The next journey is the one we take with our friendships and acquaintances. You’ve seen me write about friendships and what they really mean and the actual number of people you can call a true friend, did you agree? We meet a lot of people throughout our lives, some we call friends and some are on that drive by tip; we call those acquaintances. A lot of people don’t realize that the people you know actually take you on a different journey on a constant basis, sometimes good, sometimes not so good. Each person that comes into your life seems like a new journey for you to take and learn something. As a mom, I’ve learned a lot from watching the people that have come into and out of my son’s life. Some of his choices of friends I’ve liked, some of his choices of friends had me wanting to meet the parent and slap the stupid out of them for putting such a product on this planet. Have you ever found yourself thinking things are déjà vu when it comes to your kids’ friends? I have all the time. They’ve always seemed to need something and always wanted a ride. I’ve often thought for kids coming from two parent homes, they’re a lot needier than my single parent son. The journey of the teen years ROUND 2. Funny, I didn’t enjoy round two as much as I enjoyed round one.

            I’d like to think I’ve cultivated a close network of friends that I don’t mind sharing things with. You all know I’ll put anything on Facebook, but there are things that I only share with a certain few. I enjoy watching the journeys my friends are taking. I’ve seen religious journeys, food journeys, self evolution journeys and a lot more. The self evolution journeys are the most fun to watch, don’t get me wrong; anytime someone discovers something about themselves it’s a good thing. I just find it funny that it took someone all these years to see what most people saw way back when. I guess as long as you figure it out sometime it’s a good thing. I don’t trust easily and I for sure don’t trust a lot of people; so if you’re one that I’ve been writing to personally that shows you are truly appreciated.

            All of these things are ways to prepare us for some of the toughest things we may have to face in life. This is when you find out if you’ve cultivated the right mix of friends to share your most intimate thoughts, good or bad. Think about this: for some reason, everyone loves to hear bad news…about someone else. Don’t deny it; you all have someone or several someone (s) that you hardly hear from; write something public about something that isn’t good and presto!!!! You have everyone trying to find out what’s going on, and the need to know is what???? All of a sudden they like everything you put up or texting hoping you answer. I call that trolling, the ones that never really say anything; just go on your page to see what’s being said, waiting to see something bad so they can pipe in and ask what, who, how. Those are the ones I like to say “hey, if you were actually paying attention, you wouldn’t have to ask all these questions” or “hey, I haven’t heard from you in how long? Now you want to know what’s going on….ummm no” That’s the equivalent of a person dying and all these people that never kept in touch showing up saying all these nice things.

            So this is where all of this finds me; on another journey. This is a journey that will be long, but ultimately will be my last journey. I’m ok with that because there’s still a hell of a lot of smaller journeys I can take along the way. There’s a small circle of friends that I have allowed to hop on this crazy journey with me, I promise to take you on a crazy ride and keep it funny. This does not mean I want the obligatory “I’m sorry” posts coming in, hell get over yourself! I don’t want the post saying we need to get together, I’ve lived in the burbs my whole life and we haven’t really gotten together so let’s just keep things the way they are. I’m not a prayer warrior by any means, but I have one in my corner, guess I’m lucky like that. To the fantastic seven, sit back and relax; to those that don’t admit to reading everything I write, you sit back and enjoy as well. I’m going to Carla up and take you all on the ultimate journey!~ Just my two cents

Self Redemption Leading To Self Acceptance~ C.L. Anderson

            Redemption: to reclaim, absolve and atone. If we believe what we were taught in our younger years, we will spend our entire lives looking for some type of redemption. We are taught that if we pay a man to wear a very expensive robe he will be able to offer redemption and you will be atoned for your sins. We are told that darn near everything we do, we will have to seek some type of redemption; heck we even get slips of paper that can be redeemed for a percentage off your groceries. So while you are busy seeking some type of absolution from another human being, did it ever occur to just practice self redemption?

            The road to self redemption is a lot longer than the perceived road to perdition. I think I’ve travelled this road many times; yet I’m still feeling close enough to perdition that my toes are burned. It’s easier to stay set on that burning path instead of opening your heart to yourself and allowing your inner self to accept and redeem from within. It takes a lot to realize that no one person can give you what you seek and no one person can say you are forgiven for whatever you’ve done or have thought of doing. Sometimes, these lessons manifest quickly and one can move on through this life with satisfaction. For others, myself included, we need to be smacked around and driven to that fork in the road. You know that fork; the one where the road is shiny on one side and crappy looking and beat up on the other side. As I sit here pondering my own travelled worn out roads, I think I definitely don’t want to reclaim anything.   I don’t recall asking for any type of atonement for any of my actions, now that doesn’t mean I’ve done nothing wrong, this is me we’re talking about.

I remember when my brother first went to Ohio, my mom missed him something fierce. I on the other hand, well let’s just say I didn’t miss him that much. So I had these thoughts floating through my head, do I seek redemption??? I think not. Of course his choice of girlfriends just solidified the thoughts I had. His choices were not great, then again when do any of us make perfect decisions. My brother has been gone seven years come October, all I can say is time flies and will not slow down for anyone. My brother was a momma’s boy, which was made quite clear. I was the smart one and stayed to myself. We were a family of four until my parents divorced. Now half my family is gone, makes you think about a lot.

I always said you can’t choose your family but you do choose your friends. I tell ya, I got the short end of the stick on that one too. I used to hang out with the most ignorant group of people. They bowled with my mom and when I was younger, I thought they were pretty cool. As I became an adult, I wondered why my mom stopped being around these people. Even after the “token black jokes” I didn’t wake up. I think it took one too many parties with my “friends” letting me drive home a little too tipsy that got the message through to my head. This was a group of ladies that were hell bent on being drunk most weekends and the night of bowling. Exit stage left. I’ve had so called friends tell me I’d be a good friend if I would just indulge with the foreign substance they chose to snort up their nostrils. That wouldn’t have worked for me, I hate using nose drops.

            So here’s where self redemption comes to play. I can’t go back and correct a lot of bad choices I’ve made. Why would I want to reclaim any of that anyway? To own it, ha; I lived through it so I already own it. Seems the things that happened in the past need their due place…in the past. Now, as for things that happen from this point forward, just say it’s a work in progress. I look at my contribution to this planet and lately I’ve spent a lot of time wanting to figure out a way to put that contribution back. My contribution will be 19 this weekend and weighing heavily on my heart is how much puberty can change innocence into master jackass status. Just the thought of the dramatic difference brings tightness to my chest. This is the part in my life when I blame myself for the things that go awry, not that I blame myself on purpose; it just happens to get tossed in my lap. When you see this contribution of my mine, you think oh what a great individual, sweetheart, blah blah blah. Reality is, you don’t live with the contribution. Sounds like I’m talking about a disposable commodity huh? Well the truth is, at a certain age your contribution makes you feel like YOU have become disposable. An ignorance rises up so fast and far you would swear the devil himself implanted some type of wire leads in the brain and whenever your contribution chooses to actually let you in their world, hit the switch and your contribution instantaneously becomes your worst nightmare.

            I’m slowly learning to accept things as they are; they may or may not change. I see no need for redemption, absolution or anything else along that matter. From here on out the only thing I plan to redeem is my sanity. The world will go on whether I’m in it or not. Learning to get back to me and letting go of my contribution is hard. I’m still wicked in some ways, for example, to see this contribution fall on his face just once will bring a smile to my face. You can’t be a jerk forever and expect good things to continue to happen. I guess at that young age we were all jerks. Hmmm, guess maturity and mother wit is a type of redemption after all. How about this; full redemption is already within you. You can’t live to please everyone so don’t try. The reality is you don’t need to go someplace else to ask for redemption just to go out and do the same thing again. Reality, if you really want to seek out some type of redemption, go online and get yourself ordained, then you can do all the redeeming you want. Whatever you choose from here on out, remember; redemption begins when you accept yourself. ~Just my two cents