Memories, those hidden treasures
tucked away in the bowels of our brain that very readily seem to enjoy defying
us at the most inopportune time. Stories of the things that happened when you
were younger, a few years ago or even a few days ago can seem fuzzy at best when
you’re trying to recall a really great story. Sometimes you’re left thinking if
only someone, anyone was right here and could back up what you’re trying to
say. This would at least prove you’re not making up some farfetched story or
remaking some story someone else told you. That someone you’re looking for is
called validation. Although, validation isn’t a person, a lot of people spend a
lot of time looking for it.
I know some of you are probably
thinking “Oh no, what did Carla do now” ha, I haven’t done anything. I am that
validation tool! I don’t seek out anyone to validate events that have taken place;
I have the uncanny gift of total recall. Before you say, that’s cool, or I wish
I did; let me tell you, sometimes it plain sucks. If you happen to be someone
that actually knows me or has known me for a long time, you know what I’m
talking about. For those that don’t know me, I am a person’s worst nightmare. I
will remember names, faces, what you did wrong, who you did it to and the
outcome. If you’re someone that did something to me, believe me when I tell you
I remember it all like it was yesterday.
See, I am my own validation tool!
When I ask if we really need
validation, the simple answer could be not unless you are a psychic making
money by prompting questions that require validation. We don’t really need it,
but sometimes it’s nice to have. I have told many stories about when I was
younger and the crazy things that have happened. Sometimes, I’ve had people
look at me like there is no way this could have happened. Jaws drop when there’s
someone around that knew me from the “glory” days and they recall things that
happened and wondered whatever became of me. I used to tell stories of things
my parents did prior to getting divorced, I told a lot of these stories to my
son. I don’t think he fully believed it until we ran into a friend of mine from
my old neighborhood. I saw a little light bulb go off and it confirmed his mom
was a nut job for a reason. Sometimes validation comes when you aren’t seeking
it and that validation can be a bitter pill.
There are many stories I have told
about my childhood and how I was treated by my parents, grandparents and that
other part we call extended family. It’s no secret that I think very little of
my family on both parents side. Knowing I’m the honest, put it in your face
type of person, I’ve taken a lot and bottled it up. It was like having a whole
world watch what you go through and act like it wasn’t happening. Telling the
stories is cathartic and at times funny. I’ve always known that people knew
what was going on, but no one listened. Unless you were someone that actually
hung around me on a constant basis, you had no clue. Those that were around me
and knew/know firsthand, it’s still embarrassing but life moves forward. Just
adds to the more funny stories I conjure up.
So, here’s where the bitter pill
comes in. Imagine a moment when you lose someone in your life that you didn’t particularly
rate a 10 on the Richter scale of personalities, parenting and breathing.
People call thinking they’re offering kind words and you’re sitting there
hearing the teacher’s voice from Charlie Brown in your head; yep, you all know
that sound. Then you talk to someone you haven’t spoken to since the last time
Rip Van Winkle was awake and they drop a bombshell. “Your loved one was a nice
person, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why she hated you so much
and treated you so badly” Bam! A validation you for darn sure weren’t looking
for. Ewwww, can you taste that bitter pill? Well, at least now there’s
confirmation that a mind wasn’t slowly being lost into a spinning world of
mediocrity and sarcasm for no reason; but did it have to come at that moment?!!
Some people have no tact at all to say the least.
That was the first unsolicited
validation to come my way, there have been more after; but none that packed
that sort of punch. Recently, I’ve had a validation that for some reason I
always seek out and it’s not really a bitter pill. It’s more of a healing process;
those are the ones you’re grateful for. When you know without a shadow of a
doubt that you aren’t the only one that lived through a waking resemblance to
hell and survived, the stories come out of your head and are pushed into the
universe. Knowing that a superficial bubble shaped many lives the same way and
many of the floating bubbles inside the bigger bubble had the wherewithal to
know that things weren’t right is surreal. We all had the same thing in common
at that time, no voice of our own and no one to speak up for us.
Do we really need validation? No,
not really. I think it can turn a person into one that is always searching and
trying to please others before themselves. Can we all use a little validation?
Absolutely, that may be the one thing that keeps us sane and reaffirms we haven’t
totally fallen off the deep end. Perhaps, if more of us had been listened to
when we were children, a lot of issues we see in this day wouldn’t be issues.
~Just my two cents
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