The first year of college is coming to an end. Did I survive?
Did my college student survive? Short answer yes and that’s only because we
aren’t in the same state, however; realistically it is a tad more complicated
than that. We have these grandiose dreams that our kids are going to graduate
high school and go off to a big name school. My grandiose dream schools were
Notre Dame and Morehouse. My college students’ list included Drake, Eastern Il,
Millikin and one other school. Notice my choices didn’t seem to match his. He
got accepted to all schools he applied to and then it happened. Several schools
started contacting him and making offers, one school gave him an open ended
offer and gave him up to a year to decide, in case he changed his mind. A small school in Iowa came a calling and
Mister “I don’t want to go to a small school” answered that call. The letter of
intent was signed October of Senior year and this is where my first year
lessons started.
The very first wakeup call I got was when the high school
coach botched the day of signing and the deadline was almost missed. That was
one of many wakeups I’d had with this coach. The transitioning process from
high school student athlete to college student athlete started to take shape.
Attitudes started to change, extreme laziness kicked in (more so than normal)
and everyone seemed to want a piece of this kid. Here I am standing on the
sidelines screaming “You did nothing to help get this kid to where he is going,
now step aside!” There was a personal battle between this young man and the
head coach that no one could seem to figure out. This coach seemed to knock
this kid at every turn; any extra team awards were always given to less
qualified athletes, of course, after announcing that my student athlete is the
one that should get it. Upon graduation, my student athlete was one of the most
decorated runners to leave the district. Sure there were a few before him, but
those athletes had competed in summer programs since they were small kids, so
they included those awards with their bounties.
Summer brought another wakeup call. Just when you thought
things were quieted down, the battles to get things done starts. The constant
nagging to start packing up a room that wasn’t even slept in was only
overshadowed with the constant nagging to start the college application
process. Talk about epic word battles for the simplest of things. Of course,
tired of listening to myself nag, I started the packing. When it came to that
wonderful process of shopping for college, I eliminated the indecisive one. I
just shopped and displayed the items when I returned home. I don’t think it was
actually looked at until it was unpacked on the campus. Thank goodness for a
summer program that provided a job, one of us wouldn’t have survived the
summer. I can say with most certainty that 18 is a magical number and not in a
good way.
Now, one year removed from high school and one year of
college under my belt, these are the lessons I’ve learned.
·
The
sweet young person that was brought into this world lost his damn mind when he
turned 18. Someone needs to find it and return it
·
The
transition period actually lasts the WHOLE first year; although I’m not sure
for which one of us more so
·
No
matter how many times I tell him to do something, he will either claim he
forgot, didn’t have time (“it’s called college life mom”) or it just won’t get
done period
·
College
life is strange for both the parent and the student; the more you try to let
go, the more they want you. The flip side is, the more you try to parent from a
distance, the more they shut you out. Notice I didn’t say you win
·
Taking
care of EVERYTHING may not be the best idea, gives the student a false sense of
security; that and the attitude that if they don’t succeed as well as we think
they should, we’ll be there to bail them out
·
Sometimes
you have to step back, throw your hands up and watch the chips fall where they
may…you may be surprised
Of course, these are my lessons and I’m sure there will be
plenty more barreling down the pike kicking me in the butt. These four years
will go quickly and the hope is to transform a young unpolished, wet behind the
ears demon creature into a well rounded educated man of Clarke University. I’ve
quickly learned it doesn’t matter that our timeframes for getting things taken
care of is vastly different. It doesn’t matter that I feel he needs time
management classes…maybe a few of them. Room dusty, when you know you packed a
lot of cleaning wipes??? It’s trivial, let that go. Late nights but homework
isn’t really the focus??? Let that go as well. Grades aren’t quite where YOU
would like them to be??? Well YOU aren’t the one that is taking the courses,
let it go.
While I have thrown up my hands to a lot of things, I have
not stopped being the parent. Since I’m still footing the bills, he still needs
a parent; just not so hands on or so vocal. When I turn on the news I’m hit
with the stark reality that there are far worse things this young man could be
doing. The reality of the matter is, he beat society’s statistics. He comes
from a single parent home, didn’t drink, do drugs or bring home any babies and
he graduated on time. Yep, there are much worse things that could be happening.
I wasn’t sure if either of us would survive this first year, I’m
sure later I will look back and have a good laugh about it. I raised a strong
minded young man, believe me, I’m reminded of that every single time I talk to
him. I firmly believed he would be a great attorney, but since he has
integrity, maybe that isn’t a good choice for him. Graduation is always the day
before Mother’s Day, I can’t wait! May 2015, as I watch this person that has
provided me with enough fodder for a book, enough tears to form a liquid salt
mine and enough pride to cover the globe; I will have gained a new perspective
of both of us. We share a mutual respect now, yes folks there are teenagers that
still show respect, but that day will bring respect for the MAN he will have
become. These are my lessons learned after the first year. ~ Just my two cents
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