When motherhood beckons, and that call is answered, there are
a few milestones that are greatly anticipated. The first day of kindergarten, 8th
grade graduation, driver’s license and high school graduation are some of those
milestones. A college graduate is a bonus we hope for, but ultimately we know
it’s up to the individual and the choices they make. Some mothers go through
post partum and slowly start to enjoy what they have been given; some jump
right out of the gate and enjoy it to the fullest. We are all different and we
celebrate those differences. Then there are those of us that feel like we popped
a pup for a second time later in life and suffer greatly from post partum symptoms,
or at least post traumatic stress syndrome. I fall into the latter category.
These latest bouts of oh oh’s have come to be known as “I’m off at college and
I think I’m grown syndrome”. This is that time when I personally wonder what
happened to my part in the circle of life, I didn’t eat my young. Can I get a
do over? Moms, welcome to the college years! Stand up, clap your hands, and
shout for joy. Ok, sit down now.
Welcome to the Mom’s Manifesto today! I am the voice that
says what you are thinking and won’t say because you don’t want your “I think
I’m grown now” son/daughter to be mad at you. Try to find your backbone as you
read this and then stand the hell up and say something. Let’s break this down
slowly…. College tuition rounds out to about $35,000 not including incidentals.
Now, for this very large number this is what you get; room, board, use of the
library, multiple computer labs, medical
on site, counseling, mail services, dining halls and a café; also, use of a
weight room, gym, game room, bookstore and career services. Finally, you get
life’s necessities (as if a bed and food weren’t enough), basic cable, wireless
internet service, heat and maintenance. What good are these services when the
only thing being utilized are not the things to help guide you on your path!!!!
Explain how NOT using career services is going to help you find a job or help
with your resume, or NOT talking with financial aid for YOUR tuition is going
to get you closer to that degree! Notice I didn’t include the cost of insurance
or books or items necessary for the room.
Let’s look at what happens if your son/daughter ends up right
back under your roof. Remember, the goal is to keep them out and push them to
succeed. Coming home should not be one of their options; have you heard “I got
this”? Then let them “get it”, a hard lesson to learn for any mom. Anyway, back
to them coming home; let them know they will be paying some type of rent, they
will clean up after themselves and wash dishes, they will pay their own phone
bill and the biggest one of all they will find a job in a timely manner.
Stipulate that finding a job does not entitle them to the use of your vehicle;
they will utilize the same two feet they used to stand on yours to dance when
they were little OR learn how to use public transportation. Also, since they
chose to put their tails between their legs and come back to you, make them
realize that the freedom of hanging out all night walked out the door when they
walked in. Finally, let them know in 6 months time, THEY will be responsible
for repaying their own student loans. Remember, they got this!
Suddenly coming back home doesn’t seem a viable option
anymore, huh? That’s the point! While we as moms love to embrace and brag of
the successes, very few of us talk about what happens when that embrace is not
wanted at this time. We don’t talk about what happens when your son/daughter
turns on the only support system they’ve had their whole lives; we don’t talk
about the hurt that comes with that. Somehow we allow them to take their lack
of foresight and turn it into one of our faults. Now, we moms have faults of
our own, our sons/daughters failures will not be one of them. While we never
turn our backs and our hearts as well as our doors are always open, they should
be open with the stipulation that things are not free and you still have to
earn what you want. While they feel they can skate through life and do whatever
they feel and you don’t need to know, we sit back through our tears and KNOW in
the long run, yea; WE (the moms) are the ones that actually got this! We never
let it go and we won’t start now. Sometimes we have to let them flounder in the
wind and “smell their own ass”. We have to learn to sit back and watch them let
their attitudes include or exclude them from the positives in life. We’ve given
them the basics, it’s up to them with they do with it. I’m sure they don’t
forget what they’ve been taught, I’m POSITIVE they don’t know how to use it
once they leave home.
As the great Revs. James Cleveland and Clay Evans once sang
“This Too Shall Pass”. Our nerves will be tested over and over, we will shed
many tears and yet it will pass. I think once the “I think I’m grown” phase
passes and the real maturity kicks in; we can sit back and say “Peace Be
Still”. Until this all comes to fruition, sometimes we just have to learn that
it may be time to let go. ~Just my two cents.
No comments:
Post a Comment